Wednesday, 28 November 2018

Find the Seeker #Blitz


 photo Find The Seeker_zpsgyu93mnq.jpg

The pathless path to fulfillment and happiness


Non-Fiction, Self-Help, Spiritual Wellness

By Master Genro: Gert Beirer and Clifford Stevens


Publisher: Gatekeeper Press
Published: January 2018




Normally Priced $9.99  On Sale November 22-December 22 for only $.99


"Seek what is within self and you may find the answers to true authentic life fulfillment and happiness."

Find The Seeker! is based on the wisdom and profound, first-hand experience of a modern-day Master as well as the teachings of enlightened ones throughout the ages. This book reboots our spiritual search in order to renew our limiting, thought-driven and ego-dominated lives. Focusing on the spiritual dimension underlying Existence which all of us share, the book addresses people of all faiths who suffer, are unhappy and seek to lead more fulfilling lives.

“Find the Seeker! is not a wishy-washy, feel-good book offering a quick fix or esoteric porridge or pandering to those who want a spiritual baby rattle to rely on. Instead, it serves as a traveling companion and guide, enticing readers with the vision of what we really are" ...

Absolute, eternal and unconditional Being, whole and divine – which can only be directly experienced and embodied. It serves as a powerful wake-up call for those who mistakenly believe in their being separate from the Oneness and living in a state of duality, reminding us that the Kingdom of God is really within us.

Although written by a Zen Master and using some Zen stories, the focus is not on explaining Zen, its tenets or history. The book is in stark contrast to the majority of books which indulge in superficial descriptions or sayings and provide seemingly “precise” instructions, lists of goals or steps to take which trap us into continuing our dependency on intermediaries and religious institutions or our self-delusion of being less than we really are.

Instead, accompanying the authors along the age-old pathless path we have always been on, we are called upon to empty ourselves and “drop” all our preconceptions and expectations and the limited “self” which thinks it has a life of its own, as well as the heavy backpack with all our experiences and learnings.

The book holds up a mirror to our worldly and at times ego-driven existence, suffering and the intricate workings of the ego, which entraps us in the never-ending soap opera and the roller-coaster of life’s ups and downs, drama from chaos. We are led to live mindfully in the here-now, delve more deeply into ourselves and to be Self-reliant – enabling our inner guru to unfold our true nature so that we can abide in the one Self. In this way seekers become finders, and we can become the Oneness we already are, enjoying the vibrant bliss and lightness of Being that is inherently ours.

The book not only appeals to people interested in Zen but spiritual seekers and people of all faiths and confessions, especially those who suffer, are unhappy, and still have unanswered questions about spirituality and life purpose, and God.

As a result, the book targets readers searching for books on personal development, body, mind, and spirit, self-help, spirituality and religion, Buddhism, Zen or finding happiness. It may be the last book you need to read that includes all of the above and much more.


 photo Find The Seeker stacked front and back_zpsuffcktwo.jpg


 About the Authors


 photo Find the Seeker Author Xuan Lou Genro_zps6zoze9uq.jpg
Genro: Gert Beirer, who was born in Austria in 1945, studied Zen, meditation, Kung-Fu, Qi Gong and acupuncture in Asia. He was given the name Genro (“Origin of Joy”) Xuan Lou, Laoshi (Laoshi = “Spiritual Master”) by Zen Master Tetsuo Kiichi Nagaya Roshi. Genro Xuan Lou, Laoshi was named Zen (Chan) Master by the Abbot and Grand Master Kun Kong at the Lingyin Temple (Shakyamuni Buddhism) in Hangzhou, with whom he studied 11 years, by Abbot and Zen Master Shi Chan Ming in Wuhan, Province Hubei, China, and was also named Shifu or “Spiritual Teacher” in 2009 by Shi Xue Feng, Abbot of the Ding Shan Temple in Germany.

After returning to Europe, Genro spent decades as a therapist and business consultant and has been heading the Qi Gong Master School in Austria for many years, practicing in accordance with the Wuhan-Yangsheng style. Genro Laoshi has lectured at universities, appeared on TV, held seminars on a variety of spiritual and self-help topics, taught Qi Gong courses and published articles and books on meditation, Zen, motivation and communication, storytelling, body-reading, sexual Kung-Fu, autohypnosis, and many more topics.



 photo Find the Seeker Author Clifford Stevens_zpsn9vt6x6v.jpg
About Author, Clifford Stevens -  (Ki-ichi) was born in the United States. His career included stints as a teacher, journalist, PR manager and translator. He has studied Qi Gong, Zen and meditation with Genro Xuan Lou, Laoshi for many years. His meditation-imparted experiences and the Dharma transmission from Genro have qualified him to be a teacher of Zen. He humbly reveals his deep insights and awareness of the spiritual cosmos as he wanders along the pathless path with his Zen Master.


Contact Links



Purchase Links

Normally Priced $9.99  On Sale November 22-December 22 for only $.99

RABT Book Tours & PR

Tuesday, 27 November 2018

Bane of the Dragon King ♥ Blog Tour ♥ Plus Deleted Scene!


Bane of the Dragon King (Chronicles of Fallhollow #3)



Fallhollow is at war. The sudden deaths of the only two heirs that could have saved it has plunged the entire land into chaos. Despite all the magic thrown at him, the Dragon King still lives. Hope for any sort of victory seems faint until Charlotte discovers a secret that could change the course of history.

Armed with the power to set things right, Charlotte embarks on a perilous journey with the sly and cunning Prince Izmayel Ascatar Venniver IV, Lord of the peaceful Edryd dragons. But her journey of peace is thwarted, and Hirth's most fearsome enemy plans to use Charlotte to destroy the kingdom and claim the universe as his own.

As Fallhollow and the Kingdom of Hirth descend into a battlefield of bloodshed and death, David, Trog, and the warriors of Hirth march toward war with an impossible plan to bring down the Dragon King, destroy his armies, and return the kingdom to its former glory. All they need is a little faith, a few extraordinary surprises, and a lot of magic of the most unexpected, generous kind.


This book is the final dramatic and magnificent conclusion to the Chronicles of Fallhollow trilogy.

Bane of the Dragon King by J. Keller Ford
(Chronicles of Fallhollow #3)
Publication Date: November 13, 2018
Publisher: Month9Books

Link to Goodreads:

Purchase Links:

Google Play | BAM | Chapters | Indies | Amazon | B&N | Kobo | TBD | Amazon UK


There was a part of BANE OF THE DRAGON KING where the mage council meets with the king of Hirth and his knights to discuss strategy on defeating the Dragon King. The scene was removed because I felt it was too long and drawn out and really served no purpose to the story. This is part of that very long (18 page) scene.

***

The mage council gathered at the table, their faces stoic. A man with silver hair and eyes to match spoke first.
“Slavandria, you have asked us here once more to hear your plea to assist in protecting this kingdom you love so much. We have decided to hear your case. Please begin.”
“Thank you, Master Ozden. As you know, several months ago centaurs patrolling the border between the Southern Forest and Falcons Hollow found dozens of barbagazies murdered, their bodies drenched in dragon’s blood. When I first heard the news, I was stunned. Why? Who would want to murder these innocent mountain gnomes who, under normal circumstance, would never stray from their homes in the peaks of the Domongart Mountains?” Mangus propped his elbow on the arm of the chair, a finger resting upon his lips.
“Are you sure it was dragon’s blood?” The question came from a pale-skinned woman with spiky platinum hair and emerald green eyes.
“Yes, Mistress Serona. I asked the alchemist in Avaleen to test it for me. The blood was that of a timberlake smoothback.” Slavandria waited for the wild chatter to subside before she continued.
“Not long after the discovery of the barbagazis, seven meadow fairies from Brindle Greens were kidnapped from their homes in broad daylight. They were found four days later floating in crow’s cages in the Elmwithian Marshes, tortured by the rats, but alive. I brought
them back to Chalisdawn with me but up until a few days ago, they remained huddled in their barrows, terrified and mute. I tried to mind weave with them but I could not get through the terror that haunted them.”
“You speak of them in past tense. What has become of them?”
“They perished when Chalisdawn was destroyed by mage fire. Seyekrad’s fire.”
Another murmur filled the room. Slavandria continued, not wasting the shock and awe of the moment. “Then there were the six unicorns found dead on the banks of the Cloverleaf River. They were bludgeoned to death with their own horns, their silver blood left to drain into the healing waters.”
King Gildore leaned forward. “What measures did you take to curtail those attacks?”
“My powers are limited. Like all masters and mistresses of the spirit world, I am forbidden to interfere with the lives of the men and women of Hirth and Berg and my powers with them are limited to healing and offering advice.”
David snorted and laughed. All eyes turned to him. Gildore shot him a fowl look. “Is there something you would like to say, young man?”
David laughed again. “Oh boy, do I. Do any of you really believe this crap? Slavandria’s done nothing but interfere in mine and Charlotte’s lives since the day we met.”
“My interference, as you call it, was different, David,” Slavandria replied. Her eyes pleaded with him to shut up.
David leaned forward in his chair, his hands clasped on the table. “How is it different? Every step of the way for months you have done everything in your power to change my life. You never once asked what I wanted. You never gave a thought as to how either one of us felt.
You just plowed ahead with your own agenda, so don’t tell me and the rest of everyone in this room that you don’t interfere in the lives of men because it’s a lie.”
David glared at her, waiting to see what lies she was going to regurgitate next.
“You are the paladin,” the silver-eyed man said. “You have a part to play in this realm as decreed by our laws. It was not interference for her to bring you here as she was required to do so. Your feelings are inconsequential.”
“Inconsequential?” Could this man be serious? “Are you kidding me? You act as if I’m expendable.”
Trog draped an arm on David’s back and pinched his neck. The pain ratcheted down David’s spine and into his brain.
“David still has issues to discuss with Slavandria,” Trog said, “but they will be handled outside this room. Your Grace, if you will continue.” He released his grip on David’s neck.
David eased back in his chair, and eyed Trog, praying the proverbial daggers he shot at the knight penetrated the man’s thick hide. It was doubtful, but he could wish for it nonetheless.


J. (Jenny) Keller Ford is a scribbler of speculative fiction and YA tales. As an Army brat, she traveled the world and wandered the halls of some of Germany's most extraordinary castles in hopes of finding snarky dragons, chivalrous knights, and wondrous magic to permeate her imagination. What she found remains etched in her topsy-turvy mind

When not torturing her keyboard or trying to silence the voices in her head, Jenny spends time collecting seashells, bowling, screaming on roller coasters and traveling. She is a mom to four magnificent and noble offspring, and currently lives in paradise on the west coast of Florida with a menagerie of royal pets, and her own quirky knight who was brave enough to marry her.

Jenny is the author of The Chronicles of Fallhollow series. The first two books, IN THE SHADOW OF THE DRAGON KING, and RAGE OF THE DRAGON KING, are currently available. The third and final book, BANE OF THE DRAGON KING, is due to release in the Fall 2018.

Please stop by her website at www.j-keller-ford.com for additional info or email her at: jenny(at)j-keller-ford(dot)com



Website • Twitter • Facebook • Instagram • Goodreads





Giveaway Details:

·        One (1) winner will receive a $25 Amazon Gift Card and a digital copy of Band of the Dragon King
a Rafflecopter giveaway

ECHO Academy #CoverReveal


ECHO Academy
(Dimension Drift, #2)
Published by: Ink Monster LLC
Publication date: April 28th 2020
Genres: Dystopian, Fantasy, Young Adult
The second book in the new series from USA Today’s ‘must read YA paranormal romance’ author, Christina Bauer
Our heroine Meimi Archer has been assigned to attend ECHO Academy. There, the evil Headmaster believes that Meimi will help the government conquer other dimensions.
But Meimi has some very different ideas. She’s starting a revolution.
That is, if the Headmaster doesn’t find out and murder her first.
This new series is perfect for: fans of urban fantasy, action & adventure, cool science, evil corporations, forbidden romance and hot new classmates who may or may not be aliens.


Author Bio:
Christina Bauer knows how to tell stories about kick-ass women. In her best selling Angelbound series, the heroine is a part-demon girl who loves to fight in Purgatory’s Arena and falls in love with a part-angel prince. This young adult best seller has driven more than 500,000 ebook downloads and 9,000 reviews on Goodreads and retailers. The first three books in the series are now available as audiobooks on Audible and iTunes.
Bauer has also told the story of the Women’s March on Washington by leading PR efforts for the Massachusetts Chapter. Her pre-event press release—the only one sent out on a major wire service—resulted in more than 19,000 global impressions and redistribution by over 350 different media entities including the Associated Press.
Christina graduated from Syracuse University’s Newhouse School with BA’s in English along with Television, Radio, and Film Production. She lives in Newton, MA with her husband, son, and semi-insane golden retriever, Ruby.
Stalk Christina On Social Media – She Loves It!

XBTBanner1

Death By Poison #Blitz


 photo Daeth by Poison 2 4_zpskhou7woj.jpg
Thriller
Date Published: Spring 2018

 photo add-to-goodreads-button_zpsc7b3c634.png

Beautiful assassin Genevieve Wangen continues to work on her deadly concoctions from her secret lab in the woods, far from the prying eyes of the law. But just as soon as she has love and a new life in her sights, Genevieve is pulled into a far more dangerous high-stakes game of cat and mouse. She already upended her life and identity once. How far will she need to go this time to stay alive?


Reviews

"Make sure you set aside extra time, cancel any appointments and don't plan on sleeping! Once you start reading this book you will not want to put it down until you have finished it. Gary definitely has a way with words. His writing flows and is filled with great lines and an even greater story. He is a natural storyteller. This second book in the series is even better than the first." - Shelley Olsen, Owner, Paperbacks and Pieces Bookstore

"A major eureka page-turner, Evans has spun an original web of intrigue . . . that will be eagerly shared by murder mystery readers!" - Rollie Wussow has Midwest roots and is a semi-retired healthcare executive in sunny New Mexico

“As a journalist and author (and especially over a glass of wine), Gary has always been a master storyteller with a rich eye for the humorous and the ridiculous. Death by Poison features wonderful characters, rich dialogue, and a compelling tale. Like Gary, it’s great fun.” —Rusty Cunningham, Executive Editor, La Crosse Tribune


Previous in the Series


 photo Gary Evans - Death by Drowning FRONT COVER_highres_zpsv4a2tpdd.jpg

Thriller
Date Published: July 2017

When Shawn Sorenson drowned in 1987, no one in La Crosse, Wisconsin, took much notice. They thought it was simply another drunken accident. When another student, Tad Schwartz, drowned a year later, the residents began to suspect foul play. Why else would a healthy young man drown? Even so, the police had no leads or clues to suggest anything other than a tragic accident. Were these truly accidental deaths? Suspicion became reality one fateful morning in 2011 when Police Detective Allan Rouse, Sheriff's Deputy Charlie Berzinski, and pathologist Rick Olson pulled the 15th victim from the river. The body had a tale to tell.

Dr. Olson, physician Patricia Grebin, and researcher Sarah Giles discover an obscure piece of evidence. It leads Berzinski and Rouse down a tangled trail of clues before reaching a mind-boggling conclusion. Will Berzinski and Rouse catch the killer before it's too late? Filled with intrigue, betrayal, and gut-twisting suspense, Death by Drowning will draw readers into a Midwestern town full of secrets and clues as breathtaking as the Mississippi River.





Coming Soon in the Series


 photo Death

by Payback FRONT COVER_zps64krzzxj.jpg

November 2018


After confessing to killing fourteen young men in La Crosse,Wisconsin, sultry serial killer Genevieve Wangen escapes custody for the second time. Aided by her Mafia contacts, she settles in at a remote cabin in the Bitterroot Mountains of Montana. Now, safely hidden behind her new identity as Samantha Walters, she happily continues her deadly work for the Carbones. But Detective Al Rouse and Deputy Charlie Berzinski are bent on locking her away for good. When they finally catch up to her, as she is about to wed her latest debonair lover, Genevieve finds that she must escape more than just the law!



About the Author

 photo Evans back cover picture 2 3_zpsmy3yesum.jpg
Gary Evans has turned his passion for novel writing into a post-retirement career, with book four soon to be released, and book five already in the works. Evans spent 30 years in Midwest newsrooms as an award-winning writer, editor, and publisher. He spent 12 years as vice president at Winona State University. He ended his career as the president and CEO of Hiawatha Broadband Communication, one of the nation’s first alternative entrant telecommunications firms, after 15 years. Married to Ellen, they have two grown children, Gregory and Natalie.




Contact Links




Purchase Links









RABT Book Tours & PR

Monday, 26 November 2018

Release Blitz for ONLY LOVE #BookBirthday

ONLY LOVE RB BANNER.jpg

“Heartfelt, beautiful and sexy!"

- Lauren Blakely, #1 New York Times bestselling author

Only Love, an all-new sexy standalone romance from USA Today bestselling author Melanie Harlow is available now!

Only Love AMAZON.jpg
A gorgeous former Marine with a tortured soul.
The beautiful, compassionate therapist living next door.
A meddlesome grandma determined to get them together.
I was expecting a proposal on my birthday, and I got dumped instead.
How could I have been so clueless?
Grams knew exactly how to distract me.
The “cute boy next door” who’s been helping her with yard work clearly needs a little therapy. Who better to call than her newly single therapist granddaughter?
She even fakes dementia to get me to visit, and now that I’m here she’s doing everything in her power to throw us together.
Not that I’m complaining. Ryan is the sexiest man I’ve ever met--I mean the full package, from the chiseled jaw to the massive shoulders to the rippling abs. (And yes, his package is full, and he knows exactly how to deliver it.) He makes me want to get out of my head and follow my heart. He makes me want to take chances I never thought I’d take.
He also makes me want to take my clothes off. A lot.
But he’s moody and challenging--one minute he’s an open book, and the next he’s completely closed off. He holds me like he’ll never let go, but insists he wants to be alone.
Some wounds are so deep, only love can heal them.
How can I convince him to let me try?
AN1-2
Download your copy today!
Amazon Worldwide: http://mybook.to/OnlyLove
Amazon Paperback: https://amzn.to/2Dacxwd
Add to GoodReads: http://bit.ly/2y4EVve
OL 5 enough.jpg
About Melanie Harlow
Melanie Harlow likes her martinis dry, her heels high, and her history with the naughty bits left in. When she's not writing or reading, she gets her kicks from TV series like VEEP, Game of Thrones, House of Cards, and Homeland. She occasionally runs three miles, but only so she can have more gin and steak. Melanie is the author of the AFTER WE FALL series, the HAPPY CRAZY LOVE series, the FRENCHED series, and the sexy historical SPEAK EASY duet, set in the 1920s. She lifts her glass to romance readers and writers from her home near Detroit, MI, where she lives with her husband, two daughters, and pet rabbit. Harlow Headshot Color.jpg
Connect with Melanie
Stay up to date with Melanie by joining her mailing list: http://www.melanieharlow.com/subscribe/

Valiant #BookBlitz #Giveaway


Valiant
Merrie Destefano
Published by: Entangled: Teen
Publication date: December 4th 2018
Genres: Science Fiction, Young Adult
The Valiant was supposed to save us. Instead, it triggered the end of the world.
Earth is in shambles. Everyone, even the poorest among us, invested in the Valiant’s space mining mission in the hopes we’d be saved from ourselves. But the second the ship leaves Earth’s atmosphere, our fate is sealed. The alien invasion begins. They pour into cities around the world through time portals, possessing humans, forcing us to kill one another.
And for whatever reason, my brother is their number one target.
Now the fate of the world lies in the hands of me, a seventeen-year-old girl, but with the help of my best friend, Justin―who’s suddenly starting to feel like more―maybe if we save my brother, we can save us all…
—
EXCERPT:
There’s a pain in my chest as I remember the first time I stumbled across a man with fists lined with metal spikes. I was walking through downtown Santa Ana with Justin, and it was one of those times when I thought, He’s totally going to kiss me tonight. It was back before I began traveling through time, before I found out just how dark the world could be. We were laughing and heading toward a frozen yogurt shop, and he slid his arm around my waist.
It might have been the first time I thought, This guy is it; he’s the one I could fall for. I knew he was a Genetic and that nobody wanted us to be together. But I didn’t care. He was sunshine on a dark night. He was heat when the cold winds blew.
I put my head on his shoulder.
It was only natural.
It was exactly right.
Then I saw the metal man, his brow furrowed as if his heart held all the anger in the world. He was chaos and destruction and he was walking toward us, eyes like fire, like he wanted to kill us both.
Maybe he was looking at Justin. Metal men hate Genetics, because in a real battle, Genetics win. It doesn’t matter how much metal you’ve grafted onto your skin or bones—it might make you stronger, but you’re slower, too. Nobody can match the speed and natural strength of a Genetic. So, this guy might have been looking at Justin and challenging him, but it felt like I was going to be collateral damage.
One swing of his spike-covered fist and I’d be dead.
But I didn’t have to worry about it for long, because Justin pushed me behind him. I couldn’t see his face, but I could see the metal man. Doubt flickered in his eyes; he paused and glanced to the side. He was probably looking for a way out.
Justin took a step forward, his hands curled in fists. When he spoke, his voice came out like thunder, a loud, low growl that rumbled through my spine.
“Don’t even think about it,” Justin said. “Take one more step and I’ll rip out your metal implants, one by one. They hurt going in, so you better believe it’ll be a mother when I pull them out.”
He paused to laugh, but I’d never heard him laugh like that before. It was chilling, like he was a different person. He continued to warn the metal man. “Especially when I twist those implants sideways and the roots tear off chunks of your flesh.”
The metal man narrowed his eyes, and there was a split second when I thought he was going to tackle Justin.
Maybe he would have.
But he didn’t get a chance. It was like Justin knew the metal man’s plan, like it was an open football playbook. Justin rushed him, grabbed the guy around the waist, and slammed him against the brick wall of a local tattoo parlor. It took the wind out of the metal man’s lungs, and he was temporarily stunned. Justin could have slugged him; he could have broken the guy’s arms; he could have killed him.
All he did was lean close enough to whisper in the guy’s ear.
Then Justin stepped back and let the thug slide to the sidewalk in a heap. The metal man caught his breath, his eyes flickered, and he glanced up at us. Then he floundered to his hands and knees and crawled away as fast as he could. By the time he got to his feet, we were surrounded by a Friday-night club crowd, most of them drunk and all of them laughing at the metal man as he ran away.
Justin didn’t even hit the guy.
Sometimes you can win by intimidation alone.
So, do I melt every time I see this boy, who was willing to fight to protect me?
You better believe it.


Author Bio:
Born in the Midwest, former magazine editor Merrie Destefano currently lives in Southern California with her husband, two German shepherds, a Siamese cat, and the occasional wandering possum. Her favorite hobbies are reading speculative fiction and watching old Star Trek episodes, and her incurable addiction is writing. She loves to camp in the mountains, walk on the beach, watch old movies, and listen to alternative music—although rarely all at the same time.

XBTBanner1
a Rafflecopter giveaway

The Outlandish and the Ego #Blitz


 photo The Outlandish and the Ego_zps6qokdo3t.jpg
Dark Humor, Satire
Publisher: Xlibris
Published: February 2017

 photo add-to-goodreads-button_zpsc7b3c634.png

The Outlandish and the Ego is the first in a new genre of literature: political erotica. This wild and comical satire follows two parallel stories that ultimately converge and blend into a new American reality.

One side of The Outlandish and the Ego plays out with the Aide, who relentlessly seeks to maintain his power as he maneuvers his president for reelection. The Aide's ruthless appetite for victory comes to life in the form of wife swapping, partnering with a corporation hungry for war, endless slandering, and so much more. But in order to win, the Aide must survive an evil secret society-the Brethren.

The other half of The Outlandish and the Ego finds Samuel and Roger: two wild derelicts who are running from demon gnomes that nobody else can see or understand. In order to satisfy the gnomes' demands, Samuel and Roger must solve the riddle of "the signal." The two twisting plotlines crash into each other as the fate of the Aide, Samuel, Roger, and the Brethren come to an unexpected and hilarious close.




 photo The Outlandish and the Ego print stacked_zpsylffygja.jpg



Excerpt



The following is the opening to the second chapter of The Outlandish and the Ego. The chapter is entitled, “The Ego.”


The Ego

The doors to the Oval Office blew open, and supreme authority guided the Aide’s rush toward the President’s desk. He held a shotgun with both of his hands. The oversized battle helmet rattled around the crown of his head as he stomped toward his destination. He knew everything he needed to say and how he wanted to say it. He was ready.

“We have a situation,” he said as he pulled around the President’s desk. As the President looked up at him with befuddlement, the Aide leaned in and put all his weight into a great shove and sent the desk over on its side.

“Take cover, they’re here, and they’re coming for you.”

“Who’s coming? What the hell is going on?”

“I should have informed you sooner, but I underestimated the severity of the information given to me.” The Aide readjusted his glasses as he peeked back over the ridge of the fallen desk, probing for oncoming enemies. “The Confederates are here.”

“The Confederates?” The President’s mouth gaped open. “What is going on?” he whined.

“I didn’t want to alarm you, but there has been an uprising, and the Confederacy, I’m afraid, is back and looking for you.”

“I’m as white as they come!” the President whined.

“What do they want with me?”

“Most likely a swift assassination.” The Aide peeked over the desk once more, this time aiming the barrel of the gun at the opening of the room. “But fear not, sir. I am here to protect the Union.”

“Where is the Secret Service?”

“Dead. They’re all dead.” The Aide looked the President dead in the eye. “Even the first lady. She was slain out on the front lawn.”

“This can’t be.” The President melted down to the carpet, grabbing his hair with his trembling hands.

“They’re gonna kill me!”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” The Aide pumped the shotgun ready. “Unfortunately, I only have one shot left.”

“One shot?”

“Yes. Don’t worry, though, I’ll make it a good one.”

The Aide perked up as if to focus in on his surroundings.

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?

The Aide popped up and fired his last shot in the direction of the opened doors. After feeling satisfied, he sat back down behind the safety of the desk.

“What was it?”

“Nothing, sir. Just a false alarm.”

The President lay there with his back firmly pressed up against the desk, quaking in a peculiar combination of shock, fear, and rage. “No, no, no,” he mumbled while shaking his head. Frozen, he stared into the palm of his hands, searching for a steadiness in his current reality.

Then from the belly of the hall that led into the Oval Office, the penetrating screams came pouring through, directed at the President.

“What’s that?” he cried.

“It’s one of them,” the Aide said in a low tremble. “He’s wearing a ski mask, and he’s armed.” The Aide looked down at the ground. “It was a pleasure knowing you, Mr. President.”

“Oh Jesus!” The President began to bite his lower lip as he clenched his fist tight, turning the knuckles of his hand white. The savage grunts and screams of the masked Confederate assassin grew louder, and the President knew it would be only a matter of time. The masked man was now in the Oval Office. He stood in the doorway, and though the President and the Aide bunkered down back behind their makeshift barrier, the masked man knew where his target was hiding. He laughed maniacally as he mockingly danced toward the desk.

“Please, there is no need to kill me,” the President begged. “I’m from Louisiana—trust me, if it was up to me, the Confederacy would have never gone away!”

“It’s too late for negotiations.” The masked man moved toward the President, standing over the hunched man before him. He prodded the barrel of the gun up to the

President’s mouth. “Open wide.”

“Oh Jesus,” the President muttered. He opened his mouth, and the barrel of the gun slid inside. He felt the cold steel bang against the tips of his front teeth, and he knew it was the end. He closed his eyes and waited for his world to fade into the grim abyss.

“Just as we planned!” the Aide yelled. He gave the masked man a high five as both men bent over with laughter. The President opened his eyes to understand the commotion. “Did you see the look of fear?” Both men began to cackle uncontrollably. The Confederate assassin took the mask off, revealing his identity.

“You?” The President frowned.

“You idiot,” the Press Secretary said. “You were all too eager to swallow that barrel!” Both men began to laugh once more.

The President stood up slowly, adjusting his tie and trying not to look as embarrassed as he felt. “So nobody is dead, right?”

“Of course not,” the Aide explained. “The Secret Service and First Lady were in on it too.” The Aide waited for the humor to subside. He sensed that the Press Secretary had caught his breath, so he decided to move on with the business of the day. “All right, all right. Now that we’ve all had our fun, it’s time to get to the serious matters of the day.”


About the Author

 photo The Outlandish and the Ego Author O. Ryan Hussain_zpssc1wauw5.jpg
O. Ryan Hussain is the new voice of comedic fiction and satire. The characters featured in his debut novel, The Outlandish and the Ego, are vibrant creations from a true genius. There is currently nobody better at blending truth, comedy and dirty fun.



Contact Links

Purchase Links

RABT Book Tours & PR